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I have been friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. But, she's repeatedly caught off guard in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Several of her social circle drifted away then, as they were drawn to her husband. It shocked her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely understood more acutely the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

In the time since, many close to her have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was highly competent, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us retired so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding my role between us feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation but she shifts them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been planning a trip to a country I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in previously. My intention was to offer insights, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially just desired my agreement with her plans. I recently come back from a month in that country and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away abruptly, but I don't think she will ever understand the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing how this makes you feel. This allows for no dispute about this. Your feelings belong to you, after all. The third step is to ask ways you together will alter the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend has her own side, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably successful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person could ignore everything, as some people hold onto a deep-seated story: they maintain a version about themselves they won't abandon because their very survival is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may initially present this way before reflecting on your words. And even if you never reach an agreement, it provides closure knowing you were truthful.